


not in the stars (only in ourselves)

by skitzofreak



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M, Fluff, Flying, M/M, Minor Violence, Sort Of, Tumblr Prompt, War, contemplation of the Force, drabbles based on random music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 04:28:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12449691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skitzofreak/pseuds/skitzofreak
Summary: I got tagged in one of thosefun little tumblr promptsgoing around: put your music on shuffle and share the first 10 songs to come up. And I, being deep in the Rogue One hole and refusing to come out, made them into drabbles.





	not in the stars (only in ourselves)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SleepyKalena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepyKalena/gifts).



> (These are slightly adjusted from the tumblr posted version. Gifted to Sleepykalena because they've been so encouraging about my fics, even these goofy little one-offs - really appreciate it, my friend!)

_1\. Blood On My Name - The Wright Brothers_

He keeps a precise tally, in the back of his head: Joreth Sward has killed seven people. Aach has killed twelve. Lieutenant Willix, four. On and on the list runs, dozens of names; it's important to remember that none of them are him, it's important to remember that he is all of them. He doesn’t write the real tally down, that would be dangerous and stupid. There’s a file in Command with his name on it, true, but it’s not accurate, will never be accurate, should never be accurate. As far as he's concerned, it’s unnecessary too, because he keeps the real count in his head. The councilors would say it’s unhealthy, Draven would call it _dwelling_ , but he tracks every one. It’s important to remember that whatever the records say, whatever name he wore at the time, people are dead at his hand.

It’s important to remember: Cassian Andor has zero kills and dozens of deaths to his name.

 

 

2.  _Apotheosis (Journey OST)– Austin Wintory_

It’s generally considered bad form to keep the gravity drive on when in atmosphere. It drains the fuel cells a lot faster, and with the Alliance strapped for resources, he really should know better than to do it. But Cassian and Jyn understand him better than any of them ever admit, so they never say a thing when he flips the grav drive on, aims for the biggest cloud bank he can, and throws the controls into the first loop.

Bodhi dives, banks, rolls, and skims along the clouds, and despite the grav drive, for the moment he is weightless.

 

 

3.  _They Don’t Care About Us (cover) – 2Cellos_

Jyn ducks the fist that means to break her jaw, darts behind the ‘trooper and latches on to his rifle harness with one hand and his helmet with the other. He tries to spin opposite to her dodge, ripping her arms from her sockets (or at least breaking her grip) but Jyn’s stronger than he expects, clearly, because she yanks back, and she wins. The stormtrooper drops backwards, and Jyn brings her truncheon down on that terrifying white faceplate with a crunch. The ‘trooper jerks and lies still, and Jyn snarls, her blood still up, her vision still red, her ears still ringing with Cassian’s pained grunt when this sack of shiny shit jabbed her partner with an electro-prod in the checkpoint, chuckling to himself because there were no security cameras and who would ever believe the word of a civilian with a thick accent against the word of a ‘trooper?

 _Me_ , Jyn thinks, and kicks the corpse on her way out.

 

 

4.  _An End Once And For All Extended Version (Mass Effect 3 OST) – Sam Hulik and Clint Mantell_

The Force is not a god, to call upon for intervention. It is not a power source, to tap in times of need. It is, Chirrut muses, as he walks slowly and carefully through the shifting sand, a song, a melody repeating itself throughout time and space, a series of crescendos and decrescendos, harmonies splintering off and then flowing back into the tune. It is the pitched chorus of heavy blaster fire, the pulsing throb of his heart, the distant swelling strings of the man and woman in the tower above him, the brassy call of the soldiers high in orbit, and always, always, the steady hum of Baze’s anger, his determination, his hope.

The battle rages, Chirrut walks, and the Force plays on.

 

 

5.  _A World Torn Asunder (Dragon Age: Inquisition OST) – Trevor Morris_

The only consolation, Jyn thinks later, is that they are together when they find out. Cassian is still unable to leave his medical bed, Bodhi hunches over on the stool, so it’s only Jyn who is standing when General Draven braces at parade rest in front of them and tells the wall behind her head that the Death Star has been tested ( _again_ , she thinks, tested  _again_ , but Draven doesn’t say that part, doesn’t bring up Jedha, maybe because it wasn’t a Core world, maybe because Bodhi is already gasping, maybe…it doesn’t matter. Her thoughts are on a loop and  _it doesn’t matter_ ); so it’s only Jyn standing when they hear that Alderaan is gone.

She stays standing when Draven goes, silent and pale and staring, until Cassian reaches for her and she remembers to breathe.

 

 

6.  _He Lays In The Reins – Iron & Wine (with Calexico)_

Sometimes when they are in transit or grounded for injury or simply (rarely) not particularly busy, they talk for hours. They talk about the places they’ve been, the people they’ve met, the random bits of inconsistent education they’ve managed to scrounge in the galaxy throughout their strange, dangerous lives. Other times, they sit quietly, reading their own datapads or watching some holostream or just  _being quiet together_. Sometimes it leads to sex, sometimes it doesn’t, and neither of them really cares so long as they always end the same way: wound around one another, listening to each other’s heart beat. They have few possessions between them, no place that is really their own, and even their names are often too dangerous to keep. But they can hold each other, Jyn thinks; they can keep these moments of peace, Cassian knows.

It isn’t much; it’s everything.

 

 

7.  _The Last Stand – Two Steps From Hell_

The repeater cannon is heavy on Baze’s back; it weighs him down.  He moves forward. His chestplate is tight around his sodden shirt; it constricts his lungs. He moves forward.  His boots are full of wet sand and sea water; they drag at his ankles. He moves forward. Chirrut lies on the beach behind him, still and pale and silent; it hardens his heart to the pain. He moves forward. He fires the repeater cannon and he moves forward. He sucks in great lungfuls of blaster-burned air and moves forward. He plods, one leaden foot after another towards the shadowy shapes of faceless men, and he drags Chirrut’s memory behind him like a stone, like a chain, like a lifeline, and he moves forward, he moves forward, he moves forward.

Until,  _finally_ , he stops.

 

 

_8. Preliator – Globus_

The order comes through, and Captain Oquane wraps his hand around the emergency panic handle next to his command station on the  _Lightmaker_ to hide the shaking in his fingers. The panic bar is there in the event of a gravity failure, every station on the bridge has one for the crew member to grab a hold if the grav drive karks out and they suddenly find themselves floating. It also works for regular, every day panic, like this, here in the middle of a battle none of them expected to be in barely five hours ago. But they _are_ here, they _chose_ to be here, and panic or not, they have a job – a  _duty_  – so he takes a deep breath and grips the bar (thinks,  _sweetheart, I’m so sorry, be good for Mommy_ ) and says, “Lieutenant, aim for the disabled Star Destroyer.”

When the  _Lightmaker_  drives the Destroyers into each other, the explosion is so spectacularly bright that it can be seen from several planets in the system.

 

 

_9\. The Phoenix – Fall Out Boy_

The cocky, aggressive young Senator who has just joined the Alliance thinks his experience in politics makes him qualified to do Draven’s job. Draven puts up with it, until one day the mouthy kid pushes a little too hard. “If you were about to threaten me in an attempt to gain access to my agents,” the general says quietly, leaning in and smiling like a hidden knife as the boy flinches back, “ _Don’t._ ”

 

 

_10\. Take Me To Church (cover) – Vitamin String Quartet_

Jyn takes his hand and presses her lips to his palm. In the cockpit, Bodhi gives him a wan smile and Kay tilts his head slightly. Behind him, Chirrut sighs dramatically, loud and happy and only slightly teasing, and he can practically hear Baze roll his eyes. They watch him quietly, waiting, ready to go on his word, ready to fight, or die, or maybe even live, so long as he’s with them. If this is love, it’s far more terrifying (far more exhilarating, far more necessary) than he ever dreamed it would be.

“Alright,” Cassian says, “let’s go.”

 

 

BONUS because it popped up next and HOW PERFECT WAS THAT?

11.   _Secret Agent Man – Tom Jones_

**Author's Note:**

> The [Lightmaker](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Lightmaker) was the Hammerhead ship that Raddus ordered to physically shove the disabled Star Destroyer into the other Star Destroyer in the Battle of Scarif, sacrificing herself and all her crew. I just reflected on the fact that the second that crew got the order, they knew exactly what was going to happen, and they never hesitated.


End file.
